Some People Are Helpless, but I'm Hopeless
by WitchofNZ
Summary: Rated PG-13 for language and suggestive stuff. No worse than the books. But anyways-Lana is in love with Michael, and she secretly hates her life. What should she do? Can she cope?
1. My Life as a Teenage Robot

            I tried, as hard as I could, to see just him. You'd think that would be easy, seeing as I'm deeply, madly in love with him and I always will be, but it's not. Especially when he's with another girl.

            Michael Moscovitz was, quite simply, a dream. He was tall, with a perfect bod and a great smile. His dark hair was always messy, except maybe on school picture day when his mother parted it off to the right. His nose, though somewhat sharp, looked dreamy on his narrow face. His smile was perfect on the face-large, so whenever he grinned his face lit up. But he almost didn't know all of this. He was totally un-conceited. I love him so much. And it's not because of my friends, boyfriend, or reputation that I don't approach him. Michael may be a nerd, but that's fine with me. I like computers; they're fine. But I happen to know that he is deeply in love with someone else, and will never go out with me, Lana Weinburger.

Like I was saying, it's almost no problem to see Michael-he has THAT GLOW around him that you get when you see the man you love-but it's extremely, _extremely_ hard to block out the girl next to him. She isn't even very pretty-rather flat-faced (to match her chest) and with no figure at ALL. Her hair is dark, but limp and rather stringy. She doesn't wear very good clothes at ALL. And this is Michael's girlfriend, the one he loves instead of me.

I hate Mia Thermopolis more than-than-ANYTHING! But when I see them together, all I want to do is cry. Not murder Mia, not steal Michael, but cry. Or something more drastic.

            "Lana? Lana? Earth to Lana!" cried a loud yet sexy voice in my ear. I jumped and turned to face the all-too-familiar-face of my boyfriend, Josh Richter. Josh is the most sexy boy around-besides Michael, of course-but his head is as empty as a-a-box. (oh, yeah, real imaginative, Lana) he's tall, though not as tall as Michael and, I hate to say it, an even better bod than the wonderful Moscovitz himself. Myself only being a freshman, Josh TOWERS over me. I often feel horribly overcome when standing next to him.

            I care nothing for Josh, though it was expected of me to date him. The school's prettiest girl dates the school's hottest boy. It's expected. The school's prettiest girl is captain of the cheerleading squad. It's expected. The school's prettiest girl hangs out with the other airheads who talk of nothing but clothes. It's expected. And the school's prettiest girl-I hate to say it-is me. I admit-I AM good looking-but I was rather surprised my first day when a Junior girl came up to me by my locker, studied me and said,

            "Hey, you're very pretty!" And-well-it just escalated from there. Everything's EXPECTED of me. I honestly feel like a robot half the time. But I would throw that all away for Michael, if he cared for me back, at ALL. But that's hoping too much. All I have now is the life I'm living with.

            "Laaaaaaaaana? Are you there, sweetcakes?" cooed Josh's voice in my ear. Without thinking, I cried,

            "Damn!" realizing that I had drifted into thoughts of Michael again. Well, everyone around us laughed. Josh raised an eyebrow.

            "Watch your language there, eh, sweetheart?" I wanted to kill him. I really did. _don't call me sweetheart, dammit!_ I screamed in my mind, but I gave him a sticky-sweet false smile.

            "Sorry. I drifted off." Josh gave a bellowing laugh, and I clenched my fists.

            "For a moment there, it looked as though u were staring at that comp nerd, _Michael Moscovitz_, Lana!" Everyone around us, once again, started laughing. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. (this is taking place in the lunchroom, just so you know) Everyone looked at me expectingly. I let out the fakiest laugh I could, but none of them realized it. Without realizing it, I took a look over my shoulder at Mia and Michael's table. By now, Lilly and Boris had joined them, and they were all talking and laughing. I wanted to cry. No, I wanted friends like that! I hate my life.

            But Josh, being _Josh_, scooted next to me and wrapped one arm around my waist, pulling me closer. In horror, I felt his hand moving up the back of my sky-blue blouse. _oh, shit, don't_ feel _me_! I thought, looking at him in horror.

            But Josh misread, and went ahead and-yeah.

            Welcome to my life as a Teenage Robot.

            Seriously

A/N: I don't know whut the heck I'm doing, it's midnight and I just felt like writing LW/MM for some strange reason. So far I've done an LOTR fanfic, a HP fanfic and now…PD??? Scary. I'm very random. Lol but read, and enjoy! Srry I portrayed Lana so-goodly, but maybe that really is whut she's like on the inside. Maybe.


	2. Avoidence

            After school I tried to RUN as fast as I could down to the parking lot where my older sister would pick me up, but trust me, tight blue skirts were NOT made for running in. At least it was semi-long, so I didn't get TOO many catcalls.

            "Lana! Hey-LANA!"

            _shit, not again! _I thought desperately, trying to pretend I hadn't heard Josh.

            "Lana, STOP!" cried Josh, putting a hand on my shoulder and spinning me around. But him being at least 20 pounds heavier than me, I spun around quite a few times before stopping, dazed, in front of him. Josh laughed at my state, and brushed some hairs out of my eyes.

            "You're so cute when you're disgrunt- disgrunt- confused!" said Josh, his smile faded for a second when he tried to think of a word for "confused". Ha. What an idiot.

            "You're cute all the time," I heard my voice coo, and I was disgusted. _where did_ that _come from?_ I thought disgustedly. _Just playing the part, dearie_ replied a voice in my head, disappearing from sight. _Well, don't do it again!_ I thought sternly after it, then turned my attention to Josh.

            "Thanks, baby. So…do you wanna do something today? Maybe-go bowling? Or-swimming?" he grinned seductively at me. I wanted to barf.

            "Uuuuuuuuuh…no," I said, hardly able to look at him. "I-uh-have homework." I couldn't help looking up to the face of astonishment spreading across Josh's features.

            "Homework?! Lana, are you _crazy?_ Homework is for-for _squares!_" he cried.

            "Actually, hon, being the most popular girl in school, I have to live up to everyone's expectations of me, don't I? And that includes getting the best grades! And without homework, I can't do that, can I? And if I don't live up to the expectations then I'd be revoked as the most popular girl in school and you couldn't date me anymore! Think about _that,_ Joshie." I said sweetly, patting the side of his face and turning to the parking lot, but not before seeing his look of utter confusion.

            "Uuuuuuuh…" I turned around.

            "Oh, and just so you know-no one says 'squares' anymore, ok, dear?" and with that, I turned and ran as fast as my skirt would let me, though not tripping once.

            I live for moments like those.

A/N: Srry that's so short, but DA BIG DREAM SCENE (based on a real dream) iiiiiiis coming up next! So don't stop!


	3. The Dreams

            That night I went to bed still smiling at how I had bemused Josh that afternoon. I suppose I ought to stand up to him like that more often, for it gave me one of the best dreams of my life. It may seem a little strange, but it seemed perfectly fine asleep:

            I'm playing foursquare on my front lawn when I hear the sweet voice of Michael calling to me from down the street.

            "Hey, Lana!" I look up and see him and a nerd from his band that I recognize but don't know the name of walking towards my house. Flustered, I wave.

            "Hey, Michael! What brings you here?" Michael waves, and at first I think it's a greeting but then I see that his fingers are bent at a strange angle. "MICHAEL!" I screech, horrified. "What's-what's-" but Michael just smiles, and by now he's on the lawn with me.

            "I kinda broke my fingers, and I think I broke this other arm, too," he says, waving a very oddly shaped arm in front of my face. His band friend just sits back and smiles.

            "Oh my lord…well, what are you going to do?" Michael smiled.

            "Well it doesn't hurt, but I wanted to know if you would like to be my escort to the hospital?" I couldn't breathe.

            "I'd _love_ to! But what about…?" I motion to his friend. Michael shrugs.

            "Oh, Danny? He's good for company, but he doesn't say much. I'd like someone I can TALK to." I grin back, but then another thought crosses my mind.

            "What about Mia?" Michael looks startled.

            "Didn't you know? We broke up! I've been single for several _weeks_ now!" I've died. I've died and gone to heaven. Ooooooooh…

            "Well, come on!" I say brightly, jumping into my blue sports car (yeah yeah I KNOW I'm just 15 but this is my dream so shut up!) Michael sits next to me, and his friend hops on the back.

            In no time, we're at the hospital.

            At this point I wake up, but I did eventually go back to sleep and dream:

            Michael is at a Fire Academy and invites me to join him for one day. It's EXTREMELY dangerous-out in the distance is a volcano spewing fireballs at us. Well, maybe not _fireballs_, but big chunks of rock on fire. Basically all we're doing is dodging them.

            We're fine until one HUGE rock hits Michael on the arm and knocks him against the wall. Me, devasted, runs after him and nurses him. He looks up there's a click in his head. A click of love. We ignore his burning, smoldering arm and lean into kiss….

            I woke up from THAT thinking that I'd read WAY too much "Luan" (sp?) lately. I mean, a "Fire Academy"?? Where ELSE could that have come from??

            Why do I get the strange feeling something's going to have happened to Michael's arm?

            A/N: Don't chase me w/ torches! Plz! Those dreams aren't ALL 2 strange-I mean, I didn't make them up-those're the dreams I had last night! Except for the Michael was my friend Zack and there was NO KISSING INVOLVED-and that the "Fire Academy" was rehearsal for "As You Like It"-where, yes, there WERE fireballs. Tells u a lot about how the play's gonna turn out, huh? Lol jkjkjk I wouldn't miss As You Like It for the WORLD, Advanced Conservatory friends! Oh, yeah, and Danny the band geek was Jake, wearing, of course, his hat, but w/ the feather that had been lost so long ago!! Yay!! Lol srry that's just my dream-8-)


End file.
